Vinny writes a letter to Greenpeace (har har!)

Ahoy Greenpeace,

You know, I've been contemplating writing you for a while now. I admire your work and I'm sure you admire mine. Being green, as you well know, is a wonderful thing and slowly but surely we will make the whole world green, and then finally be at peace. One day we will rule the world!

We actually have a lot in common, which I'm sure you realized already. As I said, we're both green, and we both have links to piracy. I, being a parrot, have been accused of being a Pirate's pet in movies and tv, books, music, sports .. heck, even you confirm the link between parrots and pirates in this article!

And now, thanks to the Russian government, you are a pirate organization as well. On behalf of all Pirates, I'd like to welcome you to the wonderful global community of Piracy. Maybe, next year on September 19th, we can meet up for Talk Like A Pirate Day. Would be fun, right?

So, besides our wonderful color and the fact that we have close ties with piracy, the third thing we have in common is the fact that we both live in captivity. For you it's the 30 pirates on the Arctic Sunrise (a very fine pirate ship!) in Murmansk, Russia, for me it's in The Netherlands. I spend most of my time behind bars. I guess we kinda suck at being Pirates, right?

Now, I do have to admit that I kinda suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. I love my captors dearly. I even show that love by throwing up on them now and then. And they always treat me very well. Maybe you should throw up on Russia to show that you're not against them!

The last thing we definitely have in common, is that we are both too small to have a real effect . If it was up to me, the world would be ruled by parrots! It would definitely be a better place. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to really make an impact. My writings on this blog are a first step, according to my media adviser, but there's still lots to do. And I guess you only get attention when you're associated with something as cool as piracy.

One day we'll rule the world for sure! Maybe we should work together on this. You know where to reach me, so just get in touch when you're ready.

All in all I just wanted to write this letter to you, to show you my support. It's a harsh world and many people, governments and organizations want to either exploit us or have it in for us. I hope that somehow you figure out to pick the lock on your pirate's cages, and fly free once again!

Good luck and bon voyage! Arrrr!

Vinny


(images in this article are from various sources around the internet, including Greenpeace)

Vinny writes a letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

I sincerely hope that this letter makes it through your letter-reading department and actually reaches you. Having reached celebrity status myself a while ago, and being used to being treated like a VIP (Very Important Parrot), I know what it feels like to be watched constantly and closely.

I also realize that you're not anywhere close to be in my league when it comes to stardom, but nevertheless I have been following your progress. I decided to write to you now, after all the silly fuss that started because of your new music video 'Wrecking Ball'. In that video, you are sitting naked on a big metal ball that's hanging from a chain and licking a wrecking hammer.

We have many things in common and in this letter I will address a few of them. I'm sure you'll agree on every single one of them.

One. You like to be naked. Well .. tell you what, so do I! My mommy and daddy keep trying to put clothes on me, but I hate it! They have this weird harness thing that they try to put on me. I think it's because they don't want me to leave the nest just yet. They have some kind of sturdy string tied to it, and they keep holding on to the other end of it. But in the end, they always take it off again. So yeah, most of the time I'm butt-naked! And I love it! Don't you love the feeling of freedom that it gives?

Two. Apparently you like to wreck things. Hey hey hey! I know that one! I'm not sure what your thing is, but I like to wreck all kinds. I like shredding paper, I like chewing on leather till it breaks, I LOVE little plastic objects and I have this uncontrollable urge to chew on small cables and wires. Especially that last one seems to upset my humans time and time again.

Three. We both like to be the center of attention. I watched your performance at the VMA and I have to say: LOVED IT! The way everyone gave you attention afterwards ... I kinda envy you. At home I'm constantly trying to get the attention of my humans and through this blog I'm reaching out to the public. On my twitter account, I currently have 151 followers. You have roughly 14 million. How do you do that? Maybe you can get in touch with me on that? I'd love to know your secret.

Four. We're both still young and discovering life and everything that it has to offer. With that comes experimenting to see what works and what doesn't. Your recent actions, like the VMA thing and your new music video, are all just about trying something new, right? I know what you mean, and I can tell you that I experiment all the time! I try new sounds, words and tricks all the time!

Five. You like to lick stuff. Again, you're a female to my heart! In that music video, you seem to like licking a big metal object on a wooden stick. Isn't it wonderful to lick things? I do it all the time! I chew on things, I lick things, I roll them around in my beak ... doesn't matter what it is! Don't you love the different tastes that are out there in the world?

I could go on and on, but in the end it all comes down to the same thing. I hear ya! I fully agree with everything you do and I support you! Don't listen to what the world thinks! Keep doing your own thing, and eventually you will get the recognition you are working so hard for.

If you ever want to get together over some orange juice and a nice bowl of fresh fruit to chat about these things, just have your people call my people and we'll set it up. Take care, dear Miley, and keep up the good work!

The Warmest of Regards,
Vinny

Vinny writes a letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

First off, I hope you're okay! It was disturbing to see this video and I would hate it if something happened to you, because of a parrot! Please understand that not all of us parrot-kin are aggressive and/or destructive! Of course I'm saying this after finding this unsettling Youtube video!

I know it's only early September, but I'm writing you now because I don't know if I can trust my humans to forward my letter to you in time. Or actually I'm not sure I can trust them at all!

The thing is .. I really do feel awkward at times. I can sense that my body is going through some changes and I really can't help it when I let out some yells now and then. I don't do it often, because I've noticed that every time i do that, I have to go back in the cage, my humans are leaving the room, or I get a blanket thrown over my cage. They really seem pissed off at me at times!

Please, Santa, you have to trust me, I'm NOT a bad boy! I just can't help myself!

The other day, when one of the humans I'm living with, the chubby one who's feet smell so delightful and let's me play with them now and then -let's call him 'daddy'-, was taking me for a shower. I know, I got a bit overexcited again. I just couldn't sit still. It was like, I don't know, a whole bunch of bees were swarming around me. I felt so agitated, but enthusiastic at the same time.

And the other human, the one with the long hair that is so much fun to play with -let's call her 'mommy'-, I had lost her! I could hear her, but I couldn't see her. I guess there was a small element of panic there as well. So I jumped around the small wet room with the great acoustics, and let out a few yells.

And daddy was very angry! He came out of the waterfall, chased me, tapped me on my tail, and I really do think he thinks that I'm a bad boy. But please Santa, you have to trust me, I'm NOT a bad boy!

Most of the time, both mommy and daddy are really nice to me though. They get me new stuff all the time. To play with, to sit on, to eat, to chew on, to exercise with, and more! So I'm still very happy with both of them, and the small chirping birds as well of course. In the end I think we're all one big family and we love each other very much, even though we have our squabbles now and then. And, even though they don't always do what I tell them to do.

That's why I'm not sure this letter will reach you in time, or at all! We'll have to see. Maybe I'll send you a short note by pigeon as well. My neighbors, a whole flock of 20 pigeons, have this whole courier service operation going on. I've been getting along with hem very well, so maybe they'll give me a discount, especially when they know my situation at home and that it's a letter to you, of all people.

So, that said, now let's talk about my 'demands'. This year, my wish list is as follows:

• A nice natural looking Java tree stand, one of those with white curvy branches and all
• More toys. I like the leather one. Great to chew on. Flexible, yet sturdy.
• A bigger cage! (although I'm not sure my humans would agree)
• A harness that doesn't feel icky, so my mommy and my daddy will take me out more often
• A dictionary! I'm practicing my speech, but my humans keep repeating me. I want to learn new words! 
• A dictionary! I love shredding paper in general, but especially dictionaries.
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I can't think of anything else for the moment, but I'll let you know. I'll CC Mrs. Santa on this note as well, I know you're really busy with prepping and all.

Take care, dear Santa, and I really do hope that you know that I'm not a bad boy!

Vinny the Eclectus

The Netherlands

Ps.
Recently I've discovered that when you have a pitcher or bottle with cold water/drink, the outside gets really wet! And that the cold wetness on the side is absolutely fantastic to lick off! And ice cubes are great to munch on too, as long as they're being dunked in water first. I don't like it when they're still 'dry'. They get a bit sticky. Anyway, can you also send along a big bag of ice, please, you know, with you living at the North Pole and such? Thank you Santa! You're the best!